Matters of Life and Death

"While I thought I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die." Leonardo da Vinci 

It's a shame to me that we do not talk about death in our society like we should. This omission leaves people without any clear direction on how to celebrate life nor how to accept death as a necessity. Fearing death is the same as fearing life. It seems to me that both can cause needless heartache and pain.
I did not think about this as much until I started working at the funeral home when I caught myself trying to apologize for enjoying my job. I have not felt as necessary or that what I have done was as important as I do with this position. I feel more alive surrounded by the issues of death. To a certain extent, I think it is because I care about people's emotional health even when I do not fully understand my own. Perhaps I take a little bit of pride in a job that most people would not want to do. The hours might be few and far between, but I love a job that, ironically, doesn't make me miserable.

In terms of personal introspection, I've naturally been looking at time that I feel like I've been wasting.  The past is a cruel fairy tale that suggests if we had done things differently, we might somehow be in a better situation than we are now; which makes us stall. I've caught myself stalling at the precipice of major decisions rather than pushing myself forward. I'm trying to stop doing that but it's a very bad habit that's difficult to break.

The most recent issue of indecision has been the issue of kids. John and I both want them, no doubt, but it's more an issue of timing. There are some things I'm concerned about with kids in the near future, but he's brought up good health/medical arguments related to waiting as well. All I can think is, well, it's not going to be easy no matter what we decide. However, difficulty's never exactly been something to stop me either. We shall see what happens.