Medical Futility Blog: Your Probability of Death

Medical Futility Blog: Your Probability of Death: I like this opening slide from a presentation by Sunnybrook's Robert Fowler last month.

You would think that we all know we are going to die, but I tend to think it's more difficult to accept as reality. On some level, at some point in our lives, we all want that cheat code to somehow surpass death. We've been telling stories about cheating death or receiving eternal life in one way or another for probably as long as there have been homo sapiens on the planet Earth.

Making Death Sexy

My husband's ancestors were fairly recent immigrants to the United States from Poland and Germany; as in early 20th century. Since we both work at a funeral home, I had to give him some grief when I read this article about a Polish coffin casket maker that has been advertising their merchandise with the use of a calendar with naked models posing with the caskets.

Death has never been so sexy.

The Catholic Church in Poland is up in arms at the disrespect being shown towards the deceased. I would agree, but I can also respect the mindset of the business owner who is attempting to pull the caskets away from being seen as "religious symbols" rather than the products they actually are. Let's be fair... you can buy caskets from Walmart. That being said, naked ladies draped over caskets sounds more like a necrophilic wet dream than something appropriate for the sensitive funerary industry. In particular, Poland is over 90% Catholic; lack of respect for the tendencies of your current market is not only insensitive, but foolish from a business standpoint.

Obituaries in the News: Marianne Theresa Johnson-Reddick

Johnson-Reddick's obituary which reportedly came from her surviving children, was printed in the Nevada's Reno-Gazette Journal on Tuesday. The text of the obituary, which has since been pulled from the website, is as follows:

Marianne Theresa Johnson-Reddick born Jan 4, 1935 and died alone on Aug. 30, 2013. She is survived by her 6 of 8 children whom she spent her lifetime torturing in every way possible. While she neglected and abused her small children, she refused to allow anyone else to care or show compassion towards them. When they became adults she stalked and tortured anyone they dared to love. Everyone she met, adult or child was tortured by her cruelty and exposure to violence, criminal activity, vulgarity, and hatred of the gentle or kind human spirit.

On behalf of her children whom she so abrasively exposed to her evil and violent life, we celebrate her passing from this earth and hope she lives in the after-life reliving each gesture of violence, cruelty, and shame that she delivered on her children. Her surviving children will now live the rest of their lives with the peace of knowing their nightmare finally has some form of closure.

Most of us have found peace in helping those who have been exposed to child abuse and hope this message of her final passing can revive our message that abusing children is unforgivable, shameless, and should not be tolerated in a "humane society". Our greatest wish now, is to stimulate a national movement that mandates a purposeful and dedicated war against child abuse in the United States of America.

If this came from the surviving family, her six children, then it is the official obituary. Because this was done online, it is difficult to say that this was genuinely done at the request of the survivors. I understand RGJ's stance on pulling the obituary until further details could be known, because this currently could present an issue of libel if the allegations are false. I am somewhat surprised that it was not caught prior to being printed. It should not have seen physical print without verification from all the surviving family members. A death notice would have sufficed instead. I've not seen a negative obituary come through the funeral home, but I'm not entirely sure how it would be best handled. 

Strange News of the Day: Morgue Worker Notices Crash Victim is Still Alive

 

This sort of story is always going to be popular on news feeds especially not too far from Halloween. Readers find themselves dealing with deep-seated fears of being buried alive when they hear about cases of this nature. While being buried alive is not likely to happen in first-world countries, we know that it has happened in the past. 

In the U.S. autopsy is generally required for any unattended death, accidental death, possible homicide, etc. I would say that this is the same for Germany as the story reads as if she were in a morgue for a medical examiner, coroner, or equivalent for autopsy rather than a morgue at a hospital or funeral home. It is sad that she was there several hours before anyone noticed breathing, but it still might be what saves her life. Had it been until they had gotten around to making the first incision for autopsy, she might have already passed away while in the morgue.

I think what really scares people about stories like this is not the idea of someone being in a place that is connotative of death when they are still alive. I think it is because we do not speak of death in Western culture with anything other than trepidation. We try to deny that it exists or beat it back as far and as long as we can even though we know logically that we all die at some point. Death is often seen as a negative thing, even in belief systems that promote life after death. I prefer to speak about death as it is and acknowledge its importance in the life cycle.

Writing obituaries

Today News published an interesting article entitled Thieves ransack homes of families attending funerals that, at least on one hand, might make you lose faith in humanity a little bit. Thieves have been targeting families who publish their obituaries in the paper with basic information as to where they live. It is really rotten that someone would exploit people at one of the weakest times in their lives.

As part of my position, I help families write obituaries. I'm not going to say that everyone "should" go through a funeral home, but we protect everyone's privacy with due diligence. Even when it comes to something like writing the obituary. I never insert the location of surviving family members. Close friends and family will know where you live. Otherwise, the funeral home is always more than happy to forward on any mail related to the services. It's a small part of what we do for other members of our communities.

Having someone housesit during the funeral is an excellent idea especially if you are traveling out-of-state. Smaller communities might not have to worry about this threat, but I would still consider it. It will allow you to have a little less stress during the grieving process. A lot more goes on with funeral arrangements than most people realize, but having to worry about whether someone is going to try to steal from you while you are attending a service should never be a factor.

Don't worry, Ginger: We won't forget.

I tend to think that coffee is a magical substance that prevents me and a few million others from turning into raging, homicidal, beasts first thing in the morning. At the same time, you're not going to find magic while standing in line at a Starbucks. It's just a rather matter-of-fact endeavor. You stand in line, you get your coffee, and you leave. Except this past Thursday, on a random splurge to go get some coffee and a sandwich before work, magic did happen in our local Starbucks.

It started with appeared to be just a simple random act of kindness. The lady in line before us, whose named we learned was Ginger, wanted to buy our coffees. You have that thought of, wow, I feel really lucky today, I don't have to pay the $6 or $7 bucks today, but there was more to the story. Today would have been her grandson, Seth Asher's, first birthday. Being unable to buy birthday gifts, she wanted to give gifts to other people.

Seth died on his second day of life, overseas, where Ginger never had the chance to meet him in person. She asked us to do something nice for someone else today, to pay it forward, on her grandson's birthday and that is what we intended to do. However, if more people know, the more people can remember this child who was lost, hence this blog post.

John and I both hugged Ginger before she left the tiny little Starbucks as she tried not to cry. We never told her that we both work at a funeral home and that we understood viscerally the pain of loss that people go through when the worst happens. We only told her that we wouldn't forget and that we would pay it forward.

And we're asking you all to do the same, today. Go. Pay for some coffee or some groceries for the person behind you in line. Help a neighbor or a stranger or anyone and tell them about Seth. Let his birthday be an amazing day of paying it forward.