November Goodbyes

I cannot believe how quickly this month has flown. We've made it through Thanksgiving and Black Friday. Cyber Monday is tomorrow. And, for NaNoWriMo'ers, we are in the last week of noveling madness. I am sitting at 31,835 as of this morning. While I am a bit behind the curve (about 10k at this point), I am still going to give my best until the very end. In fact, I have a plan to indulge in a party on the last day of the month involving Java Monsters, a trip to the Java Cat most likely, and writing all the way to midnight.

I'm clearly becoming invaluable at work because I have covered the office quite a bit this month so far. This is good for me, with student loans repayments becoming part of my life in December. You know, that month where the world is supposed to end. *smiles* No, I know I'm not going to get out of paying back the federal government that easily. All in all, my undergrad was pretty inexpensive, though, so I don't think it will be that horrible to pay back. The graduate classes that I took through full sail will be another matter, but worth it.

The worst part about November is the depression that it brings in my household. We made it through Veteran's Day mostly without incident, but it is clear that John's memories of the accident are plaguing him. He's still nervous driving on the highway, but I think the worst is that he cannot shake the horrible fears about possibly losing me that day. I think the difference is that I was angry that day more than I was scared. Also, there's the issue of what his mother said the day of the accident. Now that she's suddenly wanting to "bring the family back together," it's made him feel very conflicted. I can see the troubled emotions feeding his depression and anxiety; I honestly don't know what to do.

I really am not sure what I am going to do in April when I no longer have the office hours. I probably will still get called for the occasional visitation or service. Maybe another unique job will make itself known or I might rethink going back to school. I'm tempted to go for a business degree to get more of the training that I think I need to look better for office positions in this town. I have no idea how long John's current degree program is going to take him.

But I am preparing myself to say "goodbye" to this month and allow myself to relax a little more through December.