One more week of freedom

For me, the next semester starts on January 22nd. This really has been the longest break ever, but it's quickly coming to an end. I have three classes this semester, instead of four, which I think is much better for me. My ability to cram everything into a long day is not as awesome as it used to be. I also am determined to keep devoting time to my writing. I mean, I can talk about writing until I'm blue in the face, but until I start producing more, it's hardly anything more than fluffy daydreams.

You would think working in a funeral home, I would have a better grasp on my own grief, but I don't. It's one thing to give others sound advice, and yet another to take it yourself. The most important, perhaps, is that there is no time scale to grief even when you really want there to be one. I lost one cousin to Afghanistan in December of 2011. I lost another to brain cancer on the exact same day this past year. I joke sometimes that I have more than enough cousins to go around and that I barely know most of them, but, they're still part of my family. It still hurts like someone driving an ice pick through your ribcage and twisting. Right now, I just want to black mark the day off the calendar. Not that it would really help.

The holidays are tense around Casa Mihulec anyway. We've not had the best of luck in winter. It's become the mythical season of the dead and the pain and the hopelessness, wondering when the light is going to return. It's gotten a bit better now that we're past the new year. Which, in fact, New Year's Eve was pretty awesome. Even if John had to go out of his way to ruin the sentimental moment with his "adopted" sister. In fact, the paper flicking into the champagne glass (a transgression that had to be repaid by crepes the next morning) might have been one of the best moments. At least it won't be forgotten. Also, New Year's countdowns are more amusing when you cannot hear the commentators over the general sounds in the pub. Best opportunity for color commentary ever.

I love my job, but the gain in hours I had initially received because we were getting more cases has gone back down. It's not looking too promising for the business to build quickly enough for me to work anywhere near full-time in the next few years. I think this is a good thing, because it's forcing me to think about getting out of my comfort zone in a big way. As great as it is to have a boss and a job you like in a locale you mostly enjoy, that's not always enough. There's little advancement to be had in a small college town that is still learning how to bank on it being a college town. I suspect John and I both are going to be setting our sights on larger cities and better regions. There's a lot of push still for Seattle or Portland, although Austin, Texas has also been suggested as it is becoming a big technology area. It's also trying to bank on 'weirdness' which seems like it could be a good fit.

Going back to my original topic of grad school, as I said, I'm taking three classes. Next Friday, I should have my financial aid and be able to go get my textbooks. Last I checked, I only had one required textbook but blackboard is timing out so I cannot really check if it's changed. If that's still the case, I may just buy it although my original intent was to save a little bit of money by renting if there were multiple books.

I think I will be feeling some better once classes start, although I was annoyed not to get a call to interview for the scanning assistant position in Human Resources. The position starts in four days, so I'm going to assume someone else was chosen. Either that or they got way too busy and still haven't finished going through applications. John's getting ready to find part-time job number three since the bar hasn't been able to provide as many hours as he wanted and the funeral home's on-call work is not steady or reliable.

By the way, I find New Year's resolutions to be ridiculous ways to fail and hate yourself. I'm just setting small goals on improving different areas of my life, little bits at a time. It's really all I can do. I know what the big goals are, but it's not a good idea to focus on those too often. One of my goals, this particular blog post notwithstanding, is to spend more time focusing on positives and what I can change rather than what I cannot.

At the end of the day, I have good friends and family which, in my book, is worth more than anything else. So that's my positive out of all this convoluted mess I've written.